In-to-me-see

hands

To be seen and to be known. These are some of the greatest needs of the human spirit.

That is supposed to be the beauty of the marriage relationship. The connection that is supposed to be deeper and more intimate than any other.

Yet, unfortunately, at least half of marriages fail. Those aren’t very good odds. Couples complain of disconnection, falling out of love, and outright neglect. The reality does not meet our expectations.

Recently, I read a definition of intimacy that said: “Intimacy means ‘in-to-me-see,’. It’s a blending of our heart with another’s, so we can ‘see into’ who they really are, and they can ‘see into’ us.”

Additionally, as I researched the topic of intimacy, one of the foundational ideas that kept coming up was the idea of eye contact. And that is what I think we are losing to a greater degree every day.

It has always been a danger. Husbands of yesteryear would get caught up reading the newspaper or watching the news. Wives would get lost in their romance novels. Both parties would devote more time to hobbies or interests outside of the home than to each other.

Now there is even greater danger. With so much accomplished through the use of a technology device, our eyes get distracted more and more. Tweeting, facebooking, instagramming, gaming. emailing, reading, text messaging, television watching, all with our heads bowed low and eyes averted. Spouses have more competition than they ever did before. Forget the worries of the other man or other woman. The computer, tablet or cell phone is the third party in our relationships.

As Valentine’s Day approaches, you may be wondering what to give to your spouse or significant other. How about the gift of your undivided attention? The gift of your presence? A few hours that say, “You are more important to me than anything else right now in this moment.”

None of the things I have mentioned are inherently bad. They all have their use and their place. Take a moment and ask your significant other if they feel any of those things get in the way of your relationship. Let’s be mindful of our actions so we don’t unintentionally drift into disconnection. Look deeply into their eyes with the desire to truly know him/her. Give the gift of being seen.

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