Why Doesn’t Anyone Prepare You for This??? For Women Only


Fifth grade.

In a classroom alongside my peers I sat and began to learn more about the human body than I wanted to know- parts that I didn’t realize had actual names, or even existed. For the most embarrassing information they divided us into separate rooms of boys and girls. The whole experience was disturbing to say the least.

As awkward as it would have been to have a conversation with either of my parents, I wish I had known at least a bit more than I did going into that experience. What an eye-opener!

Of course, more details were shared by the teacher in middle school health, and then my sophomore year we got to the nitty gritty. Yet, there were still so many gaps in my education.

Then we grow up and decide to have babies, not knowing what exactly is going to happen to our bodies. Yes, we’ve heard of morning sickness (whoever named that should be imprisoned for misleading information) and we also know that your water breaks before the baby comes (another false piece of information, as this is actually very rare, but did happen with one of my pregnancies). What woman hasn’t experienced great dread about the pain of childbirth considering, for most of us, our only experience with the process came from the actors we saw on TV screaming and groaning in great agony?

Even childbirth classes don’t prepare you for what happens to your body. Who knew pregnancy could make your gums bleed, feet grow, hair change, and give you the most vivid dreams of your life? Not to mention what happens to your body during and after childbirth. There were things even the book What to Expect When You’re Expecting didn’t prepare me for. How is that fair? Do the powers that be fear the population would decrease rapidly if we knew all of the details?

Now I have begun to enter another phase of life. This over-the-hill phase that is probably the wackiest of all. And here’s the deal. NO ONE PREPARED ME! I knew that menopause would consist of hot flashes, mood swings, and the cessation of my monthly cycle (the silver lining amongst a sea of despair). You see, there’s this thing called perimenopause where your body begins to shut down on you. There are at least 35 possible symptoms, if not more. Here is a link to a list if you’re interested. You must be informed!!!!! Why isn’t there a class for this?

Ladies, hair stops growing where it should and starts growing where it shouldn’t. I may have to start shaving…my face! My acne is worse than when I was a teenager. I wake up in the morning and my joints ache like I’m 80 years old. The insomnia can be a bear. I’ve had creepy-crawly skin episodes, symptoms of anxiety I’ve never experienced before, and my memory is now failing…at 41! I lost my checkbook twice yesterday. I found it, and then couldn’t remember where I laid it down after I did so. I. am. losing. my. mind.

God says I’m fearfully and wonderfully made. I’m experiencing the fearfully part right now.

So, my fellow sisters, share this information with your middle aged friends. In fact, preferably share it with someone around the age of 35 so they know what to expect. You don’t want your friends thinking they are going crazy when all of this bears down on them without warning. Because that’s what it’s like to enter this phase of life unaware. Email your congressman and ask that a class be required for women before they reach this dreaded stage of life. Something must be done! (Wink)

I am proud to be a woman. That God crafted us in a special way to bear children and bring life into this world is amazing. My body has grown life and made the world a better place as a result. All good things must come to an end. Let’s just love each other through it, and laugh a lot in the process.

Now where did I put my phone???







Original photo from Stock Exchange.

14 thoughts on “Why Doesn’t Anyone Prepare You for This??? For Women Only

  1. I feel the same way about FAM, no one taught me anything about fertility being related to my temperature and that you can keep a chart on your bodies cycle. I was just encouraged to take birth control to control my fertility. I’m trying to relearn my body now.

  2. I only have one of these 35 symptoms, but can’t help but think it’s the worst: tinnitus, I have a constant high pitch noise or a yard full of cicadas in my ear 24 hours a day. Cannot imagine having another symptom as well if it’s as obnoxious as this!

    • My husband has hearing loss and has the ringing in his ears. I can’t even imagine! How exhausting. Our bodies are amazing, complicated, and a true mystery (and sometimes really annoying).

  3. Haha such a creative and funny approach to some confusing and daunting seasons in life. You’re right, it’s all unknown and yet we can rest knowing that we are—and will forever be—fearfully and wonderfully made. 🙂

    • I figured that if I didn’t find a way to laugh about it, I would curl into a ball and cry. It’s a frustrating season in many ways, but I’m trying to keep in it perspective.

  4. I love this post! I laughed through most of it. You are an awesome writer 🙂 I had my first baby last year and boy was I shocked, not so much at how my body changed while pregnant (although that too) but mostly at all the post having a baby changes, loose skin, hair loss etc. No one ever told me! Thank goodness for google when I thought something was terribly wrong and it turns out to be completely normal – no one ever thought to mention it though 🙂 I so appreciated this post! Thanks or writing it.

  5. Oh, my! I’ve never thought about it before–but we aren’t WARNED! Someone should warn us! Someone should probably warn our husbands, too. My husband blames everything on the onset of menopause now. I stub my toe, “It must be menopausal clumsiness…”

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